Lanyards

For starters, the definition of a lanyard (from dictionary.com):

  1. A cord worn around the neck for carrying something, such as a knife or whistle.

For whatever reason, this page is now (Jun 2005) the #1 search result when you search for "lanyard". Now, I don't want to ruin the point of this page - discussing my personal history with lanyards. As such, I will split this page into two sections: personal and commercial.

Skirv's Lanyard

The story of my lanyards began with the question of what to do with my buttons. For eight months, I had been wearing a different button every day, and in so doing building up a personality for myself. This was about to change, though, with the start of college - I just plain couldn't afford to get a new button every day, both money- and time-wise, now that I was going to live in the dorm.

So, what should I do?

The answer came to me fairly suddenly - I was at Champaign Surplus, our local army surplus store, and spotted a keychain on a necklace. Whoa! I thought. Cool! I can avoid losing my keys... I picked one up for that purpose, blue with red stripes, and on the way home I realized that it was just right for attaching buttons...

My first lanyard lasted for a year and a half, from August 1995 to December 1996. It was deteriorating during all of this time, as I did more and more evil things to it (playing with the plastic on the back of the neck, adding more buttons, etc); it was about time for it to be replaced. Then suddenly came the Ch@os affair, something which shook me to my heart and threatened to send me spiraling into depression...

I had a nice long talk with myself, and decided to sacrifice the lanyard to the greater good of my sanity.

I chose a new lanyard soon, much to my surprise; I put it on at the beginning of the new year. I was much happier with this one, too - most importantly, the keychan was removable, so I wasn't threatened with strangulation every time I wanted to open a door. I also started putting more buttons on this one, up to about five from three; as such, it started falling apart a lot faster. Then, around the end of the next year, I broke down again due to another personal crisis (this time involving a couple of good friends getting together that really shouldn't) - and the process repeated. Again, on 1 Jan 1998 I chose a new lanyard, and this one stayed for the whole year...

In fact, it stayed until it outright broke.

In 1999, I went through four lanyards. This was due to two factors: one, I had started putting far too many buttons on the thing, which weighed it down and made it break sooner. I attempted to solve this by buttoning the things together on the back of my neck, but this a) hurt and b) only prolonged the inevitable. Two, and more importantly, Champaign Surplus decided to stop stocking the old lanyards. The new ones are just half as thick, and can't hold up to nearly as much punishment as before...

For a while, I was stuck; I couldn't find a new one that didn't suck, and the ones that did suck only last for six weeks or so. This lasted until my trip to ComiCon 2001; on the way back, I found out that America West Airlines was giving out these lanyards to their employees. Giving them out! Can you imagine? They gave me one... and that lasted me until I found out that you could now order them online. And so now, I have several in my desk drawer and all is good.

Anyway, that's the story of my lanyard. It's been there for years, I've always enjoyed it, and I'll probably continue wearing it for years to come. I have it with me almost everywhere I go, only taking it off at home and when necessary for full movement (repairing computers, for instance). It's a part of me. And I'm not even going to try to explain its full significance to my psyche...

In case you're interested, the current contents of the lanyard are here. And if you notice that I'm not wearing it (at least not obviously), you may want to ask me why not. If it's for an emotional reason, though, prepare for a long answer...

Reviews and Promotion

Besides the fact that I've worn lanyards a fair amount over the last decade or so, I don't really know too much about them. In fact, until recently I was not really aware that there was a fair-sized industry dedicated to them. I could have guessed, I suppose; after all, lanyards have begun to pop up in all sorts of corporate cultures, and are even worn with buttons at various coffee shops and bookstores. But the only time that this has entered my mind when was when I was off searching for a new one to buy...

One other thing that I've noticed is that I have very strong opinions about lanyards. Most of them, especially the ones with corporate logos on them, are complete, dangerous crap. I won't wear them, and I cringe when I see others wearing them. At some point, it was inevitible that I would begin to review them...

I might do pictures later. And, oh lanyard companies, I am not above being paid for actual advertising space...