<FISH>< House - A History

Allen Hall is famous throughout the UIUC campus for its quirky programming - every week it has dozens of programs ranging from small political meetings to comedy shows. Amongst its most enduring programs has long been Cofeehouse, an open-mic night where residents and others come up on stage and show off their talents in front of an appreciative audience. It has typically taken place once a month on a Thursday, and is set up by the Allen Hall Program Advisors. Whenever I attended, it was a good time, and I grew to appreciate its existance throughout my years in Allen.

Unfortunately, in the 1997-98 school year, it began to break down.

Around the beginning of November 1997, those of Allen 19 began to notice something odd - there hadn't been a Coffeehouse ever since the first one at the beginning of the semester. At first, this merely forced the members of the Quad to gripe about how things just weren't as good as they used to be - eventually, however, this got boring and the wheels of change began spinning. I was the one that finally contacted the Program Advisors and said "hey, is there going to be a Coffeehouse or not?" - a question which was not really answered to my satisfaction. I then knew exactly what to do - make it happen myself. Besides, this time it could go my way...

Preparations for <FISH>< House began around the second week of November. The first major difference from Coffeehouse was, of course, the name - the <FISH>< had become my symbol (for reasons unknown), and I wanted to propagate it a bit. Second, the signups tended towards the stranger acts - the people I could convince to do something were the same people that I normally hung out with, and they tended towards the silly. Third, the advertising was much more minimal - while there were some signs for this first occurrence, they were all hand-made and no two had the same text. Fourth, I vowed that there would actually be coffee there. And fifth, I also vowed that there would be fish - Goldfish, to be exact, the cracker ones that came in a house-shaped box at Sam's Club.

Eventually, it all came together. Fifty or so people showed up in the Main Lounge to watch the ~20 scheduled acts, eat fish, drink coffee, and have fun. That established, it surprised me to no end to find that it actually worked, and worked well...

<FISH>< House II: The Wrath of <FISH><
February 12, 1998
(Jenny Choi's first performance, Make Bryan Laugh/Erin Ticklish, A-Capella Firestarter)

<FISH>< House III: New! Multicultural! FISH!
March 19, 1998
Once the PAs had figured out that there weren't going to be any more Coffeehouses that year, I was urged to make <FISH>< House as much like a coffeehouse as I could - it would look good for them, after all. As such, I was requested to make the third <FISH>< House "multicultural" - something that I really wasn't sure how I was supposed to do. My eventual decision was to make note of it being multicultural in the title and to inform passersby that this was apparently a variation...
The acts at <FISH>< House III were actually pretty amusing. There was Mike running around and knocking things over, Ben Fishbein eating Chili on stage, Nate telling the story of Jaime's dead pets, Chris' Ode to Coffee, Sean singing the McDonald's Menu song, Jenny and Toly singing a duo of Weird Al's One More Minute, and Erik playing Trent Reznor in the Ground South Semi A-Capella version of Head Like A Hole. True, the multicultural thing wasn't any more so than usual, but at least the sign showed that we cared.

<FISH>< House IV: The Voyage Home
April 30, 1998

<FISH>< House V: The Return
November 5, 1998
It was a new year, and as such there were new Program Advisors - ambitious ones that didn't really like me very much. Much as I offered to continue to do <FISH>< House for them, they didn't want that - they wanted to do Coffeehouse, and if that meant that I wouldn't be allowed to do my stuff, then so be it. I, of course, wasn't particularly happy about this, especially when they cancelled by opening program, but there wasn't all that much I could do... besides, of course, doing it later.

It was an interesting night when it did happen, fairly unplanned but with plenty of turnout. Smoot led Ground South in the A-Capella Closer, Jacob's birthday was celebrated, me and Caitte recited Green Eggs and Ham in Sign Language (which was made more difficult because we didn't know the sign for "ham"; we had to settle for "dead pig"), the Meow Mix song was sung, Randy ranted on stage for the first time, and there were even a smattering of good acts. Plus Darren and Jon with the Mortal Kombat theme. Can't forget that.

<FISH>< House VI: The Legacy
February 4, 1999
In a new record for most acts at a single <FISH>< House, this one was most memorable for the fact that it was my brother's birthday - thus forcing him to show up and listen to people sing to and about him. Still, while those acts were good (Lance singing Happy Birthday to Danny Marilyn Monroe-style, Danny singing his Geronimo The Cow song), there were still other wonderful hits - Tunji reading a Smoove B column, Dan and Pat doing the Ryo-Ohki dance, Chris Pollock yo-yoing and dropping his pants, Rick (the guest in residence) singing a beautiful ballad of "if you were a girl, I'd love you", and me crushing a GigaPet (with genuine anger).

And, of course, there was the grand finale, with me and Erik singing popular songs the Angry German way. Trust me, explaining without me being physically present is impossible. Just imagine an Industrial version of My Heart Will Go On, or see if you can track down an MP3 of BiGod20's Like A Prayer...

<FISH>< House VII: The Final <FISH><
April 29, 1999
All year long, tensions had been building between me and the other PAs, and the semester was finally ending - there was just enough time for us to put on one more open-mic night. Fortunately, I got my form in first, so I was going to have my <FISH>< House whether they wanted it or not.

The signups were hell - there were already too many things going on, and this time I had to compete directly with the Coffeehouse people, who knew that I was at war with them. We fought, we skirmished, we tried to get people to sign up for ours and not the other, we confused the hell out of everyone... and then, suddenly, they realized that it would be easier if there were just one of them that night. Christina Cutri handed the reins over to me that day, and I didn't know what to think. I still don't.

It was a good <FISH>< House, while it lasted. For the first half or so, it was filled with overly strange acts - Erik dressing up as me, Eric making loud police siren noises, Bill bringing out his Pepsi mallet and destroying a keyboard, Jacob telling stories of the burning couch of Allen19 lore, Darren reprising his Stellar Evolution Dance, Jon and Darren doing a five-minute strip tease, Nick and Danny beating up Randy, and more, more, more! It just kept on going, and it was good... until the Coffeehouse people came. Then it started to drag, as people sang and danced and played guitar and did all of the serious things, one after another - which was decidedly un-<FISH><-like.

Still, the last <FISH>< House taught me something important - it was definitely time for me let go of Allen. And so I did - the reign of the Engineer in Allen was over, and I knew it. But I didn't do it without one last reprise - me, as The Firestarter, scaring the hell out of anyone and everyone that looked upon me. It was my final act as a leader of Allen, and I still look back upon it with pride - and you should have seen the gleam in my eyes. It was glorious...

<FISH>< House VIII
September 16, 1999
This one was set up by Chris Conrad, Allen Hall's new Internal Vice President and my designated successor. It went okay, but I didn't go. All I know about for sure was that it involved Iron Chef: Dorm Food, in which Mel ate the worst food imaginable.

<FISH>< House IX
(need to look it up - 2000)
I didn't do this one either; it was handled by Like Disco. I put things in the microwave, including a DVD. Julia and Kevin had a wasabi-cracker eating contest. It was painful.

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